Well, it's Monday and I woke up a little low and I am really tired of feeling this way. When I say I'm tired, I mean that physically and mentally. I just want it to go away and I know it's not going to. It's been such a slow process to feel normal again. I go through all the range of emotions from anger to sadness, everyday. I'm trying to get to a better place but sometimes I feel like a pile of crap and don't want to do anything. My life is this disease right now and it's hard to go somewhere else when I'm all alone with my thoughts. It's just something that I have to live with but I hate it sometimes.
I just would like a little freedom back.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Ugh.
All I have to say is watching the Chicago Bears game is bad for my stress and blood sugar levels.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Well another day another struggle. Woke up tired and drained. Got up and did my daily routine like I always do in the same order because it keeps me sane. Wake up, got dressed, smoke a cigarette, take my sugar, take my insulin, feed the dogs, eat my breakfast.
Maybe I'm a little OCD about certain things but I like a certain order to my life. It helps me remember to do certain things everyday. You see, this is my life with diabetes right now. It's my survival. I have to do these things to live. I don't want to have to and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies.
It sucks. My Doctor even told me straight "look, this disease sucks, but we're gonna help you". I've gone through a little depression since I've been going through this. It just gets you down. I want to feel better and it's been slow going. I have a good support group within my family so it's makes it easier that you don't feel so alone going through this.
Maybe this will be therapeutic and maybe other diabetics will see there are not alone in their struggles. Maybe people will realize that diabetes is not a joke about "do you want some cake? Oh, sorry I forgot, but this cake is delicious".
Maybe I'm a little OCD about certain things but I like a certain order to my life. It helps me remember to do certain things everyday. You see, this is my life with diabetes right now. It's my survival. I have to do these things to live. I don't want to have to and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies.
It sucks. My Doctor even told me straight "look, this disease sucks, but we're gonna help you". I've gone through a little depression since I've been going through this. It just gets you down. I want to feel better and it's been slow going. I have a good support group within my family so it's makes it easier that you don't feel so alone going through this.
Maybe this will be therapeutic and maybe other diabetics will see there are not alone in their struggles. Maybe people will realize that diabetes is not a joke about "do you want some cake? Oh, sorry I forgot, but this cake is delicious".
Thursday, October 3, 2013
So this is going to be my outlet for the frustration I am feeling from being a diabetic.
I have been a diabetic for twelve years now and just a little more than a month ago went to see a new doctor at the University of Chicago hospitals. They talked with me and set me up and now I am completely insulin dependent. For the past twelve years I have been very angry with the disease and have gone as far as to stop taking my medicine for short periods of time. I don't eat sugar but also wanted to eat the carbs. This time I have come to a point in my life when I realized that I want to live. So I'm doing all the right things and counting the carbs. I have to count the carbs for each meal then check my sugar and take my insulin according to what those numbers are. Every day, every hour, I have to think about this in order for me to live.
This may sound like I'm going to use this blog to complain about how hard and horrible my life is, but I don't want that. I just want people to know that diabetes isn't only about not only eating sugar. It's not ALWAYS that simple. It's not always about just watching what you eat.
So now I'm experiencing highs and lows and my body is not handling it well. When my sugar is just right, I don't feel well because my body is not use to it being so normal. But when I hit the lows, I can't see, can't think straight I can't even drive right now because I don't know if this will happen when I'm behind the wheel.
So before I go on and on, that's it for now.
I have been a diabetic for twelve years now and just a little more than a month ago went to see a new doctor at the University of Chicago hospitals. They talked with me and set me up and now I am completely insulin dependent. For the past twelve years I have been very angry with the disease and have gone as far as to stop taking my medicine for short periods of time. I don't eat sugar but also wanted to eat the carbs. This time I have come to a point in my life when I realized that I want to live. So I'm doing all the right things and counting the carbs. I have to count the carbs for each meal then check my sugar and take my insulin according to what those numbers are. Every day, every hour, I have to think about this in order for me to live.
This may sound like I'm going to use this blog to complain about how hard and horrible my life is, but I don't want that. I just want people to know that diabetes isn't only about not only eating sugar. It's not ALWAYS that simple. It's not always about just watching what you eat.
So now I'm experiencing highs and lows and my body is not handling it well. When my sugar is just right, I don't feel well because my body is not use to it being so normal. But when I hit the lows, I can't see, can't think straight I can't even drive right now because I don't know if this will happen when I'm behind the wheel.
So before I go on and on, that's it for now.
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